The Chicken Story, Part One

Every time we have someone over for dinner, my husband inevitably turns to me with a devilish grin and knowing look in his eyes.

Oh, no, here it comes...

"Hey, Heidi," he'll say, "Why don't you tell them The Chicken Story?"

"The Chicken Story?" our guests repeat in bewilderment.

Then Charming laughs, folds his arms and settles back in his chair, waiting for the show to begin.

"You won't believe this," he always says, "It's hilarious."

Then I shake my head, take a deep breath and begin.

"Well, I grew up on a farm of sorts, and when I was five years old, I made up this game I used to play with our chickens..."

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"Heidi!" my Mother called from the front porch, "Lunch will be ready in five minutes!"

"Okay!" I hastily called back, barely pausing from my game.

"Here, chicky, chicky, chicky," I said softly, tiptoeing across the chicken coop with my eyes glued to the corner of the coop, "I'm not going to hurt you."

When I got close enough, I shot out my little arm and grabbed the unsuspecting chicken. She immediately started flapping like crazy.

"Whoah! You're okay, you're okay!" I said, feathers and dirt flying into my face.

I quickly ran the flailing creature over to the three garbage cans on the other side of the coop.

I pulled the lid off the nearest can, stuffed the chicken inside and closed the lid before that chicken, or any of the others inside, could fly out.

"Ruff, ruff!" our cocker spaniel barked excitedly.

Tammy watched me from outside the coop and wagged her tail wildly.

I bent down and smiled at her through the chicken wire.

"Hey girl!" I said, putting out my hand for her to lick through the wire, "I'm doing good today, huh?"

More tail wagging.

"I only have two chickens left, can you believe that?!" I whispered confidentially, "I've never caught them all before, but today I'm going to!"

Then I turned back to the coop. I chased down the last remaining chickens and promptly stuffed them in the cans with the rest of their flock.

Dusting off my hands, I smiled down at Tammy.

"I did it!!" I exclaimed, "I caught every single chicken, plus all our pigeons!"

More tail wagging.

"See those two cans?" I pointed, "They're both filled to the top with chickens. And that third one has the pidgeons."

"Heidi!" my Mother called again from the porch, "Lunch is ready!"

"Coming, Mom!" I yelled as I turned and opened the door to the coop.

All thought of the captured chickens flew completely out of my head...


To be continued...

Hardy har har

This weekend was General Conference. That means the whole Mormon world got to listen to our Prophets, Apostles and leaders from Salt Lake City. (As always, it was awesome).

Charming, Bubbers and I watched on the internet. Bubbers did surprisingly well through 8 hours in the same room. (With only one mishap).

Today was also special because Bubbers rolled over for the first time ever! Did we actually see it? Well, no... But one minute he was on his stomach, reaching for the strap of my camera. And the next minute he was on his back!

Since we didn't see it, I'm willing to say it didn't happen (it doesn't count unless you see it, right?). But now we'll be more vigilant to catch the real first time, next time.

Oh, and here's some of Charming's humor...

"I'm Heidi watching General Conference."

"I'm the Little Man watching General Conference."

"I'm me watching General Conference."

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Breaking news on the snot front: Bubbers is oh so close to being over his first stuffy nose. Thank you to everyone for your kind well-wishing! Needless to say, none of us will miss "the boogerator".

My son's worst enemy

Sure, it looks innocent enough. But one suck from this baby turns my baby into a banshee.

Yes, Bubbers has his very first real stuffy nose. Up until yesterday, he's been the picture of manly health and vitality--just like his father.

Unfortunately, the cause of this stuffy nose is not so clear...

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Scenario #1: Bob's Corn Maze

I thought it would be fun to go with Charming and the Boy Scouts to "Bob's Corn Maze".

This is us at the entrance to said maze:

Of course, this was before we got lost in the maze. And before the torrential rainfall.

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Scenario #2: The Tooth

During the drive to aforementioned corn maze, I was giving Bubbers his daily soothing gum massage and lo and behold, what did I find? A tooth!

(Well, not a complete tooth, but the just-starting-to-poke-out protuberance of a tooth! My baby's growing up!)

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Scenario #3: Allergies

The same day Bubbers got congested, so did Charming. This is interesting, because Charming never gets sick. In our house, if someone gets sick, it's me.

However, while Charming never gets sick, he does have allergies. Particularly when the seasons change, and fall has definitely hit the Northwest.

So, Charming thinks his allergies flared up, and since Bubbers exhibited the same symptoms as himself at the same exact time, Charming suspects allergies are the likely culprit.

(Can babies even have seasonal allergies??)

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So, let's take a vote. What do you think?

What caused Bubbers' stuffy nose?
	Bob's Corn Maze
	The Tooth
	Allergies
pollcode.com free polls

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p.s. Hey, experienced moms out there, I want to make sure I'm doing this right.

Is this how it goes?
Step 1: Squirt saline up each nostril
Step 2: Baby cries like crazed banshee under water
Step 3: Suck it all out
Step 4: Repeat every few hours

Proof of my stupidity

So, apparently, this is the wrong way to use a crock pot.

Now that I've had a day to think it over, I really think they should have made this thing with a non-meltable reinforced cord for crack pots like myself who try to kill themselves.

Hmm, since I'm an adult American citizen, I suppose the next logical step would be to sue someone...

I almost died today

Well, not "almost", but I could have. It was because of my own stupidity, too.

So, I was really excited to try a new crock pot recipe. Beef stew. Mmm.

I was so proud of myself. I remembered to thaw the meat last night. And this morning I remembered to actually make it.

I was cutting potatoes and singing "Old MacDonald" to Bubbers (boy, does he love that song), thinking to myself, This crock pot stuff is great. Now I can do whatever I want and dinner's all done!

Then during Bubbers' nap, I was relishing the latest installment of "Pioneer Woman's" romance story and I suddenly heard a loud "POP!" coming from somewhere in my house.

Confused, I walked down the hall toward the kitchen.

Was that the lid to the crock pot? I wondered. Sometimes the lid jiggles around when I have it on high, which was all I could figure for the source of that noise.

Then I rounded the corner and just stared.

What on earth??

The side of the crock pot was black, as well as the counter top next to it. Looking closer, I finally figured out what happened.

I am such an idiot. Whoever allowed me to run a kitchen of my own was beyond crazy.

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"Hello?" Charming answered.

"Hi," I muttered angrily.

He laughed, "What's wrong?"

"I'm stupid," I answered.

"What do you mean?"

"I ruined our crock pot and blew the fuse in our kitchen. How do I turn the power back on?"

(Laughing now) "What???"

"I turned on the crock pot with the cord caught in it. The cord melted and blew a fuse. All I heard was a loud "POP!" It's a good thing I'm lazy and stayed home all day, or else I would have burned down our house. And then we'd be on welfare. We couldn't even eat our food storage because it would have burned all up. So which breaker do I flip?"

(Actually, since the power turned off, it wouldn't have caught fire. But, as is evidenced by our broken crock pot, I wasn't doing my best thinking today...)

Charming talked me through the whole breaker thing, and just before he hung up, he said, "Check your email. I just sent you a link to a crock pot at Walmart. If you want, I can pick it up on my way home."

"Aw, you're great, thanks, Love!"

I checked it out-- a 6 quart crock pot! Sweet! That would be quite the upgrade from our tiny broken one...

Then I remembered how our camera broke (actually, I found out later it was just a bad battery), and then Charming bought me a new one.

Now our crock pot broke, and he wanted a new one.

Hmmm, I thought, looking around the house critically, What else should I break???