If you want to feel old or depressed...

...read your own will.

I'm pretty anal about tying up loose ends. Like as soon as we bought our first home, I had Charming take out a life insurance policy to cover the home's cost while I was still in school.

And then after Bubbers was born, I wanted to get a will to say who'll get him if we die. So, we did. (Get a will, not die).

A few weeks ago, we sat in an office with a lawyer who used words I'd never heard and asked questions I'd never heard (mostly about assets and stuff).

I kept thinking, I don't care about all these money questions, all that matters to me is that Bubbers goes to the people we want.

Then I realized the money does help take care of Bubbers, too, so I tried to care more about it.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be morbid or all gloom and doom. I'm just trying to take care of this wonderfully chubby and adorable son that God has given me.

You better believe I have every intention of being around for my 120th wedding anniversary. But just in case, I want to make sure that Bubbers will always be in a loving home with righteous parents and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So if that means I have to read and sign papers with the words "LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF HEIDI..." across the top, then I will. Even if it makes me suddenly and keenly aware of my mortality. And even if it makes me cry while changing my son's diaper and seeing his cute, chubby thighs.

At least it will help me sleep better at night. After all, it made a huge difference in Charming's life.

I'll bet his first adoptive mom felt at peace when she passed away, knowing that her dear boy was going to the two people on earth she wanted to have him.

This whole will thing has also got me thinking about Heavenly Father... When my husband and I sat down and had the discussion of, "Who would we want to raise our son?" it made me wonder if that happens in the pre-mortal life.

Now that I have my own child, I realize the importance of that decision.

"Who do you entrust with your most precious gift? With this little life you've created and loved?"

How sad Heavenly Father must be when sending His dear children to terrible homes.

And in contrast, how happy He must be when sending them to wonderful homes.

This makes me want to be a home that Heavenly Father enjoys sending His children to.